Does It Ever End?

Will this thing inside my head ever leave?
Will this thing inside my head be quiet?
I find it hard to believe,
That such a small boy can make a riot.

If blood is shed,
Would you let me go?
Would you fear me?
Or could you hear me?

This body never will suffice.
He takes control.
Makes my heart turn to ice.

Keeping most things at bay,
For if I lose my mind,
It will only be my dismay.

Dear Past/Present/Future Self:

Dear Past Self,

Hey little me. Looking back now I see what has gone wrong in your life. Do not tread though! It'll get better. It all gets better. You'll meet the love of your life in college, but witness your best friend go to jail for something she didn't do. You'll regret a lot of things you have done, but most of all they shape who you are. You will still never get along with your parents no matter how much you try and try (I'm not saying to give up, I'm just saying don't be too depressed!!!) Life turns around when you move to New York (state, not city). Trust me, life is great.

Dear Present Self,

DUDE SUCK IT UP!!! I know I'm writing to myself now but this is what you need to work on. No letting little guy take control that often, even under stressful circumstances. Don't let those who put you down take control of your life. Um, that's all, yep =D

Dear Future Self,

YOU WITH THE FACE. I'm not sure what you are going to be up to just yet, but please for the love of all that is good DO NOT SCREW UP!! You've got it good now, so please let it be good then. It must be tough. Maybe you have a job now? I'm not sure. All grown up. *sniffles* So proud!! Just remember this, as long as you've got things that are important to you, everything will be okay and nothing will get in the way.

Love,
The Stranger In Your Bed

Freedom! When Does It Come?

Your freedom always has a price to it. Sometimes you have to work for it. Other times you have to fight for it. When it comes to the time you have to fight for your freedom, then shows your true strengths. They will be tested in every way possible.
Example; People come and go as they please. Sometimes it's by force.

Earlier this year, January 29th to be exact, I met a girl. She's my fiance now. I love her with every inch of my heart. Although here's the thing. I have to fight every day for my freedom to be in control. To be with her. What is it that you ask I fight over? I fight with myself. Seeing that I have my problems, just like all else, mine are a little worse. I have to constantly fight to keep control over my body or else the demon inside will break the chains and be released.

Even outside of a relationship there is fights to keep their freedoms. Like all of the protests to keep our Constitution. They fight for their right to protest as well.

Anyone can fight for a freedom or freedoms they have, or want. It just depends on YOU!!! You must fight for what you want. Even if it may seem so far away, those little steps to take it will be worth it.

So fight for your life, your breath, your ever-lasting soul to be rejoiced in a satisfaction that is your FREEDOM! For only you can be the one to change your life.

Painful

Something that always has hurt me is seeing the ones that I love go away. More so when I feel a major connection.
Now, not saying that this just includes most of my friends... but... the ones I truly love as well.

I've been saying for the past while, on here, and for the longest time that I have been in love with this one person.
They might be leaving soon... and I wont see them again.
You know how painful it is? Very.
Considering that.... what I feel, is more than how I felt for my first girlfriend. And if she were still alive (may she RIP) then I'd be with her, and more so married to her... but...she passed away...
And now I feel like I am more in love with this one person now than I ever will in my entire life.
It's scaring me, it's making me feel things that I really would never feel in my entire lifetime.
Because you know what.... I really love her.

...... I love her with my heart .....

Thing is with this... I feel like an arrow is shot through me. Making it crash and burn to where there is no end to misery. The red on the ground, burning with passion and death. Surfaces around me.
..... Till the very last drop.

Scared...

Here's something for you. I never really understand why I am falling this hard for this one person. Well, not just any person to me... It's scaring me to face the fact that, that person I can see everything in her I did my first girlfriend. I think that's why I'm so attracted. But there are so many other reasons as well. This person... Oh this person has way more confidence, will tell me when I need to be put into place.... and many more things.

Interesting thing, I haven't told this person. This person is in my dreams all the time now (and for once I do remember them). It's like an addicting drug, or just talking with that person... just makes me feel like I'm drunk.

..... That's a different feeling. One I've never felt before. Which is why it's scaring me.....

I don't just need that person.... I want that person. Not for what that person can do, but for who they are....

Dream

I've always had weird dreams, never really understood them. This one now I am really confused with.... It's a reoccurring dream on slight occasion. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about it, it's just that... It wont happen. (Normally my dreams are truthful and happen. Which is weird too but that's another story for another time)

Any how... It goes like this ... It starts out with me looking through a camera. Flash. Light surrounds me. New scene. Now I'm out in front of a house. There are two kids playing... Boy and girl. I walk inside, there's someone there. I look to my hand, and I see a ring. Was married to someone from college (not saying names for confidential purposes). We both get dinner ready after talking for hours about work, life, and love. The kids run inside and outside of the house, asking us questions and playing with one another. Dinner comes along, we all sit down and eat as a family. I'd clean up as the kids went to bed. I'd follow my partner upstairs to help with the kids. Once they're settled down, we go into our room and just lay there in bed. Talking. (Goes... into.... more than talking but I'm skipping over the details of what happens). Afterwards.... We'd still talk, cuddle, and just be ourselves.

.... That's when the dream starts to fade into me waking up

A Letter To Me

Dear My past self/present self/future self,

To my past self, I'm sorry what you had to go through, but you want to know something? Don't change a thing. It's made you who you are today. Sure you'll think back and think a lot of stuff you did was a mistake, and sure as hell it might be, but those mistakes made you learn. They made you learn that not every time in life you're handed a good hand. You just have to roll with the cards you were dealt with.

To my present self, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking all is hopeless with you. That nothing is going right and that you wish you just never were given the chance at living. Want to know something though? At the hardest time we have right now, everything is worth that one moment. Because we're still learning from out mistakes.

To my future self, I still question to when you're going to give me a sign. Just one sign that will say "it'll be alright" or something. I just wish that I could just glace at your life. Only to see what I'm doing right, and what I'm doing terribly wrong. I do wish the best for us though. Mostly for you right now since you're the future but hey, I can still wish for it.

Love,

The Stranger In Your Bed