I don't really understand it. All I know is that it is driving me crazy! My heart melts every time I talk to her, yet I say nothing in fear. Not because of my body for once, but just in fear of rejection...
Hate not being able to feel accepted. It's like coming out all over again. The nervousness that you feel, the nausea, headaches, confusion.
Sometimes it hurts to love, like now. You never know where things will go. Plus, being in a new state away from where I had my "run away" places to are gone. I have none here really...
Back to feelings: what am I to do with you? I can stand my ground, but for some reason just when it's with that one person... She tears it back down to where I'm begging on my knees for just one chance. Somewhere in my heart I know that chance will never be.
Why?
Just take a look. Sure, I might be a girl on the outside and no matter how hard I will try to change myself... I still am not good enough. I feel male, I show it too, yet it scares people... It makes them treat me different.
So here's where I stand... I'm falling for this one girl. I'm not sure if she knows. It's scaring me. Most of you all who tend to read what I write know of what all goes on with me since... well... all of you are basically friends. My blogs are of how I feel at that time.
Soon I should be starting video blogs on my Youtube - TBxBUD is my page.
Any ways, back to where I stand on this... "crush" so to speak. I think I'm just going to let it go. Sure I have confidence in myself and all but there's not a chance that I will ever get with someone. I'm on a losing game.
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